Today things seem to have caught up with me all at once. Nothing really significant if taken separately. But their cumulative effects have me feeling worn out today. Work just isn't fun. It's not miserable, as it had been a couple months ago - it just isn't enjoyable. I find myself filled with dread when I see certain patients on my schedule. I feel drained by my patients at times - almost never energized by them. The computers are slow and my boss isn't great. Since I work with women I have very little socializing to do - I don't care about cute tops or the size of my butt. I spend 2 hours a day commuting which would be more tolerable if I were commuting to something I looked forward to doing. Plus, with my glass half empty right now I see that time as lost - I would rather have an extra hour a day so I could ride my bike or paint or something. As it turns out I almost no time for myself now. Between commuting and work, 12 waking hours are accounted for 5 days a week. When I get home my son is there asking which game or toy we should play with before and after dinner. After playing with my son I put him to bed, which with reading stories and brushing teeth and whatnot, takes me to 8:30. By then my wife is well into another episode "Housewives of XYZ" - she likewise has similar feelings of time poorly spent and needs to unwind in a way that works for her. I really cannot stand to watch these shows so I usually stay upstairs and read email or facebook or play games on my ipad for an hour or two and go to sleep.
On the upside I have a car to get me to a good paying job where have to do nothing more than think most of the time. I have a beautiful son who wants to spend all the time he can with me. I have plenty of food to eat and a decent house to live in. I have an ipad for goodness' sake. In the whole scheme of things, my problems seem pretty trivial and I am sure there are literally tens of millions of people who might like to be in my shoes. However, these are the problems I face and they do bother me. The thing that bothers me the most is feeling like I am in a rut or that I am on autopilot all the time. I continue for ways to break the cycle. I long for exercise and activity and creativity. I search for ways to get these things back. In the meantime I vent to strangers.
7 comments:
Whoa! I sooooo identify with this post. I've been in and out of ruts for 14 years. The last one was so deep I had to build a career ladder to climb out. The rungs were composed of therapy appointments, excellent friendships, and pure gut work. Hang in there! You know what you need to do. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this.
Hey, I enjoyed this post. I feel I am doing stuff all the time that I love and even then sometimes I feel I am in a rut and I let the little things bother me. I was at a conference today about single payer health care and there were was a panel of speakers that have been long time advocates. They were asked about how do they stay keep motivated. They all mentioned finding a support group (whether that is close friends, intrest groups, you state PA academy/association) and being motivated from younger generations. So I encourage you to be involved in something you love. And I want to let you know that young Pre-PA people look to this blog and value your perspective. Thanks and keep up the good work! PAs ROCK!!!
Good post. Work can be draining when you are so mentally exhausted when you are finished that you are too tired to do the things you love doing when you are done. Working in a microbiology department in a large hospital with a very restrictive, suppressing structure hit that button for me. And children (especially little ones) are draining though loveable. I enjoy your blog and your realist's perspective. Keep moving forward and good things will happen!
Good post. Work can be draining when you are so mentally exhausted when you are finished that you are too tired to do the things you love doing when you are done. Working in a microbiology department in a large hospital with a very restrictive, suppressing structure hit that button for me. And children (especially little ones) are draining though loveable. I enjoy your blog and your realist's perspective. Keep moving forward and good things will happen!
Sorry I posted under my husband's account by accident!
Be grateful, you could be doing all of that on $10/hr like many recent graduates. I used to date a doctor who complained often and I would just look at him in disbelief. At least you don't have to slave for minimum wage with no benefits (with a college education) or clean up body fluids like a nurse.
To Anon: I certainly am grateful. I don't work for $10/hr because I worked my tail off to get a degree that is in demand. When I graduated from college with a BA in 1994 I worked for $7/hr and jack squat for benefits so I've been there and done that too. And that was as a PT tech in a nursing home so I had to clean up my fair share of blow-outs too. I have more than earned my perspective.
I'm a PT tech right now. I've been thinking about PA school and just came across your blog. Haha, the way it sounds, it's like reading something from me in the future. Anyway, thanks for this. Interesting read.
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