Some Tool(s) stole my tools

I realize it is my fault. I cannot expect that, given the overwhelming temptation that is my cluttered garage, someone could not pass up the opportunity to steal from me. I somehow left the garage door open last night - apparently an open invitation to take whatever the hell you please. Well they did, to the tune of an air compressor, drill, tools and my wife's snowboard. Well at least they were clumsy and knocked over a bunch of stuff, made a racket and ran off scared with more than a grand worth of stuff. They would have taken more if they could have. ASSHOLE(S)! Sorry, not you. I was talking the Tool(s) who stole my tools.

End of first semester nearing

Wow. Well I wish I could say time has really flown by this semester but it hasn't. A few weeks fro the end of the first semester and I feel as though it will never come. It's not like school has been hellish or anything like that. I am just tired of studying and having at least one test every week. There has been no time to catch my breath from the endless onslaught that is PA school. Most of my finals are not cumulative, but my Clinical Medicine class and my anatomy class are. These classes are abundant in small detail. I do not look forward to these finals. The other classes may not be too bad, however my History and Physical class leaves much to be desired. The instructor appears to be lazy, although I can't assign an exact character trait to his apathetic approach to class. I am disappointed that such an important class is teaching us so little. I have to study for finals now. I am not sure how likely it is that I will get around to it today though.

Thanksgiving went fairly well yesterday. My family drove up (My Mom and Dad and nieces - my sister was sick and my brother-in-law was on call) and my wife cooked a fine meal. Both my parents were on pain medicine, as usual, and were slightly goofy. Addiction runs in my family but appears to have left me and my sister alone for now. Hopefully all that crap can be left behind and me and my sis can live our lives without having that monkey on our backs.

Does anyone think Comcast sucks? I just lost another hour of my life explaining to them that we get poor service, if our cable, internet and phone works at all, and that I wanted a credit to our bill. They wouldn't do it but agreed to send out a technician again (10 in 2 years) to try to fix the problem. The real problem is that their techs don't know what the fuck they are doing or don't have the authority to fix the real problem. I am NOT thankful for Comcast.

The first semester is almost over.

Wow. I can't believe I have made it this far with so little hassle. What I mean is that while my classes were tough, I haven't failed a single test. In fact I have 5 A's and 2 B's. I had to hard to get these grades, but I didn't have to sacrifice every spare minute of free time to study. Now that I am in the swing of things I can actually spend a fair amount of time with my son. I'd much rather get B's and be able to play with my son and put him to bed, than get all A's and miss seeing my son grow up. On a similar note, my boy loves his dad again and he actually wants to spend time with me. My wife is still adjusting to taking on the added load of all this entails. She is excited for me, and for us, but has way too much going on to go unaffected by my frequent absence from the home.
Overall, things are tough, time consuming, stressful and a lot of work. But I really do feel that it is 100% worth it. Next semester I have phamacology, pathophys, several clinical classes as well as hands on patient contact. It won't be getting any easier, but I am OK with that.

I am glad I have my loan

Well, I have my loan for this year. Who the heck knows if there will be any money to loan for next year. Hopefully the economy will come around by then, but I am under no illusion that that is a certainty. My wife just told me that the only stock no to lose value was Campbell's soup. Her comment was that most people will only be able to afford soup soon which is why the value went up. A 778 point hit is just amazing to me. I think wall street caused this problem and it pisses me off that tax payers are expected to bail them out. I also understand that in the absence of a bail-out there will be resolution to the crisis. I just hope that when the bail-out does roll out there is no financial boost to the blue shirt-white collar types. e.g. f-um if they have more than one house or more money in their cars than I do in my house.

School is going fine. My grades are good, although I am no longer ahead in my reading. I'd like to get ahead again, but find that as each big exam comes up, my focus shifts to doing well (passing) and my other subjects get less attention. My son loves me again as I have also eschewed studying for spending time with him. I think my wife admires my work ethic and ability to do well in school, but her own work issues create a great deal of stress for her and, by the rule that brown rolls down, me.

Is there a socially acceptable 'male' analog to the wheeled book bag used by some female students with heavy books. I am looking to attach a milk crate to a skateboard, tethered with a long chain that I can use to cart around the shit-ton load of books I need on any given day.

THUD.

So classes are in full swing and I find myself completely stressed out. My gut is in a knot, my chest is tight and I get headaches. Classes aren't hard but the volume is difficult to manage. I am doing fine in my classes but I have never felt so much pressure to succeed in my life. Every one and their mother knows what I am doing so there is no place to hide in the event this doesn't work out. The fact that neither my wife nor my son has adjusted well to me going to school makes things very difficult. My wife was already stressed out with her job so her threshold for stress is lower than a snake's belly. My son doesn't want much to do with me now and prefers his Mom for everything. He's also about as mean as a toddler can be about about it. My wife on the other hand has not made a single day easy for me either. On top of all this my school is run like a Soviet bureaucracy. My program is OK. Disorganized, but otherwise OK. The school itself is maddeningly idiotic in the way it is run. If this were a true, market driven business, it would likely go the way of our investment banks. Oh, crap. That's a bad analogy considering this is a state school owned by the tax payers. If my school were a true business, it would go bankrupt like any other poorly run business that is not a US car manufacturer or investment bank. CEOs and politicians have at least one thing in common. They work for themselves and their "buddies" rather than their employees and constituents.

School is underway.

I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. They have been easy on us so far and I don't relish the hard times to come. My classmates are a good bunch and are very diverse, in terms of experience. Most are Caucasian and none are African-American, unfortunately.

Holly cow! The date keeps getting nearer and I have not yet lost that nervous/anxious feeling in my gut. When I tell people I am going back to school they ask me if I am excited. I guess I am excited, but I am also scared sh!tless. I put my notice in at work yesterday, removing any last notion that I will be doing anything else but going to school. I am leaving a cush job in medical research that pays more than what most new grads could hope to get. I have severed all ties to security. Sure I have my wife to support me. She has been supportive of this all along. Problem is she has a job that she doesn’t like too much and I think she wishes it was her turn to do something “fun and new” with her life. While going back to school is indeed new, I cannot in any way think of it as fun. I mean, this is 80 hrs a week minimum of sit on your ass and pay attention work that I am paying no small sum to participate in. This isn’t like undergrad where I could sit in lecture and cram the night before the test and get a B-. Nope. In fact anything less than a C is cause to be kicked out of the program and most of my classes ain’t easy. There’s not a lot of comfort knowing that there is no room for failure. But it makes sense given the stakes – I would expect no room for failure when treating a patient either. Still, not much in the way of kittens and cotton candy in terms of my immediate future.

When I put in my 2 weeks notice, no one really raised a stink. They quietly wished me well and that was it. I was relieved in way, but their response didn’t lead me to believe my leaving was a big deal at all. Given my feeling that I was hired way too early and that nobody was really prepared to keep me busy, along with the fact that I had very little work to do, I can see why my departure in an almost non-issue. I am grateful that my employer hired me and gave me the opportunity to learn something new and paid me well during that time. Thanks Generic Medical Research Facility.

I’d like to think my institution of higher learning is organized and on the ball. But interactions with its various representatives and current students have given me the notion that not all will be smooth sailing. We’ll see I guess. Plus, it’s not like I can do anything about it or just pick up and go to another school, right? At least I got to stay in state and can live in my own comfy home while going to school.

So, now I have all of my books, stethoscope, diagnostic set, new laptop, etc. Heck I haven’t even started classes and I’ve already dropped 2 grand. I am fortunate that I had the money and was able to get a head start, if in the end only to sooth my anxiety and make me feel like I am somehow getting a jump on things.

I guess I am excited, a little. But I can’t wait to get the first semester under my belt!